May 3, 2015

full flower moon

Full moon in Scorpio. Lunar Beltane. It's a doozie, pushing through that space of light and dark and getting down to the hidden bones. I feel the hard work of it. The messiness. The marrow. I've sort of been achey in my head all weekend.

But something wants to shift, so I am allowing space for whatever wants to be. In the nakedness. In the truth of my own flesh and blood. Into something more deeply rooted.

It's not about abundance this time, it's about scraping away what's unnecessary and left over.

And so this emerged in today's visioning.... naked and unafraid, truth teller.... and the truth is I am often afraid. Afraid I can't. Afraid I'm not enough. Afraid of what I can't control. But it's that fear that always walks me home. Maybe that looks like a kind of fearlessness, going with it hand in hand, and maybe in some ways it is.

Yes, in some way it definitely is.

Apr 29, 2015

spirit sex and sea hags

(of all the shiny things at the gem shop, this is what I truly coveted... coyote skeleton)

Alex and I were laughing hysterically in the shower the other day, talking about love and afterlife and the idea that our souls will always find a way to each other to do the nasty, like an explosive mingling of wild eternal mana. My kind of devotion.

It's a profound thing to realize you love someone in a way that words just feel inadequate, and I found myself unexpectedly in tears thinking about the finality of our time on this earth together. It's not nearly long enough, even from a glass half full perspective. I want more. I need forever.

Hense, our sacred pact of never ending spirit sex ;)

I think I am just wired for down and dirty connection. Intimacy is my language... to see and be seen in a way that is messy and life-affirnming. It's in the marrow and beneath the pretty, that everything feels the most meaningful to me. I need the friction of to-the-bone vulnerability in order to grow and feel alive. This sort of thing seems to keep coming up in conversations with those who really know me.

Then this post came across my sky, thanks to my friend and favorite tattooed sea hag, Nina....

"I want to be a sea-hag. Not a mermaid. I want to be with the thieves, not the new day gypsies. I want to be in the dive bar, not at Whole Foods. I want messy plastic altars not shiny stained glass windows.

I’m tired of all the sparkly trendy things. I want realness. I want the depths. The unglamorous. Dirty real."


My kind of tea party. I totally need to crash.

Apr 24, 2015

yesterday i had a come to jesus with LOVE

Yesterday I had a sort of epiphany, and it went something like this.

When I stop living in fear that LOVE is finite, that it's in any way quantifiable or measurable... everything becomes infinitely possible.

It's a hard thing to articulate without sounding oddly religious or preachy, but maybe that's part of the realization too. That love is truly my faith. 

I'll try to explain what I believe to be true, so far...

The lesson in love begins with our family, then our friends, then our partners. From being born into unconditional receiving, to the addition of so many variables and conditions... so it seems. When sex and romance get thrown into the mix it makes everything feel so much more complicated. The sex gets intertwined with how we experience love and rearranges our definitions of intimacy. 

Intimacy is just the way in. Intimacy is the pathway of vulnerability which can be explored by many different means... the mind, body, or spirit. Vulnerability is love.

But we are taught that LOVE is the destination, the pinnacle, a place where we will eventually arrive and find happily ever after. But the truth is, real intimacy always leads us back to ourselves, to the wild womb of self truth, our highest calling of love and what truly matters. 

The idea that love is ultimately found outside of ourselves breeds a sense of scarcity that creates room for fear to creep in... that there is one best love, one soul mate, one perfect partner for the rest of your life, and that one kind of love might be better, greater than another. Love doesn't feel like the all-you-can-eat feast that it is, it seems more like a winning lottery ticket. Add the mythology of a broken heart, that without partnered love we are somehow imperfect, we forget our inherent wholeness.

We forget that our worth is not determined by others.

Really, love is not about sex or any kind of commodity, weight or measure that we may try to attach to it. Love is unconditional, weightless, never-ending. Love is our birthright.

Motherhood might serve to to remind us how it works and what is possible. That we can love more than one human, more than one child, and that while love can be wildly personal and individualized it has no limit. There are no boundaries. The heart expands, if you simply allow it. More babies, more love. Bam, just like that.  

So, this is what my life is trying to teach me again and again, in my friendships, in my open marriage, as a mother, daughter and so on... Love in and of itself, is limitless. It's about relationships and connections of every variety that are fundamentally expansive and all-inclusive. There is always enough love to hold it all.

The greater lesson, then?

Love is simply my life's infinite potential.

This is my lightening, my freedom, my wild YES in every direction. It is how I walk with fear and the messiness of all the hard emotions that come with along with allowing and living completely wide open.

I wildly trust in LOVE.


Apr 18, 2015

full circle, and what's next for my Inner Alchemy Circle

cards by Water Coven participant, Nancy Holly

The idea for Inner Alchemy Circle came to me when I was driving home last spring, from Squam. It was just one of those universal downloads that came in a rush of clarity and excitement. It took about a week to work out the details, a flurry of wild scribbles into my notebooks that came together in the energetic sweet spot of deeply knowing and wanting, yet teetering on the edge of fear. That's how I always know it's a, YES.

When the first circle manifested, it was like lightening... and the magic just took over. The cards started filling up my life, as did the crazy good magic of so many wise and beautiful women.

Real everyday alchemists.

Four rounds now complete, all elements journeyed through - earth, air, fire, water - and the process continues to reveal itself. What's next?


The first time we circled in the energy of Fire, I hadn't truly found the way of the cards. So, I will be expanding on what I know and going deeper into the elemental magic to bring us full circle once again. It's a bit of technical learning I've had to do as well, and I hope to continue to expand on this to improve the experience and make it more richly interactive. And so many of you have asked for this work to continue - thank you! July 12th will be our next online circle and will begin our next year of Alchemy Cards.

Then, on to.... Spirit.

The next iteration of this work, a dream I am hoping to make real by 20-16, Inner Alchemy Circles in person. Spirit Coven will be bringing to life all I know and all I love about the magic of circling and making Alchemy Cards through all the elements, live and to new places. While I'm clear about the process and work, I'm not exactly sure how these circles will manifest and that's truly part of the excitement, but I know for sure this is where the energy wants to go. It's that knowing and trusting that is pulling me forward into this juicy new space, and I am utterly thrilled by the idea of making cards with other wild creative sorcerers in person!

Serious juicy magic to come... and maybe in your neck of the woods!

Apr 9, 2015

in the why of my desire

Desire is a powerful thing. It is raw, gritty and feral. The kind of energy that draws wild things to us. Understanding and inhabiting our desire is an adventure, a thought/feeling experiment, the golden ticket if only we can shed the ego enough to step up to claim the real prize.

Desire is a gateway to truth.

Really, anything can be a representation of truth and desire. The food on our plate, the money in our bank account, the lover in our bed, the books on our bedside table. A wise teacher once told me that everything inside of you, is right there in front of you - you live in the physical manifestation of your inner world. Trippy, I know, but I think it's absolutely true. What we want and surround ourselves with, speaks volumes.

I am always questioning my desire - not judging it and assigning it good or bad - that is not really helpful or how desire works. A lot of the time desires don't show up as practical or even rational. Desire simply wants what it wants and leaves you to the task of deciding whether or not to feed it. So, I try to stay open to what the tug of desire wants to teach me and be as honest as I can about the why

Everything is a lesson if you are open to receiving it.

And desire and I have been tumbling and talking into the wee hours of the night a lot, lately.

Apr 3, 2015

reunited and it feels so good

The kiss of sweet ocean air. The lull of waves and happy gulls. 
The chatter of children hunting for treasure, and my toes in the sand for the first time this season. 
Oh, what a romance it is.

Apr 1, 2015

now that i'm sort of all the way out

For spring Inner Alchemists... only a few of these Water Alchemy Kits left!

Every time I cross another threshold of openness, it sort of takes me by surprise. I've said many times that my life feels like a journey of inches, little earthquakes, and it's always humbling to witness my own narrative move forward in this way.

I have been doing a lot of writing about sex and kink, lately. And the best thing about this is being asked to write about sex and kink in a world where, unless you are billed as a "sex educator" and that is your schtick, we don't often talk about such things.

But I work hard to not corner myself onto one sort of thing or another such as a mommy blogger, creative blogger, sex blogger, etc. because I feel it is so important to be seen as a complete human being. It is how I live my life. I don't know how to be just one thing. I'm more than two boys' mom, or a wife, or an artist, or an advocate for sexy truths. I am all those things and more.

To have the opportunity to share my work on such a broad spectrum, is a gift. To have people wanting to hear what I have to say and accepting me for who I am, whole and complete, is a blessing. So, here are a few cool places where you can catch up with me this month. A little something for everyone I think.

* First and foremost, Inner Alchemy Circle Water Coven is sold out, and begins on Saturday! So thrilled to get to make magic and cards again with another gorgeous group of creative and juicy souls.

* For Susannah Conway's April Love, I will be sharing a bit about sex as an act of self care, and be helping you to dig into your sexual truth and discover more about your own values and desires. Yum.

* It's getting really real. My Life, Unabashed stories have been evolving and growing and I feel less and less afraid in sharing the nitty gritty. It's a good time to jump in, and you can also read the archives.

* Keep an eye out for the spring issue of Bohemian Collective Magazine! It should be out any day, and if it's as gorgeous as the first (which I am sure it will be), you will be in for real a treat. I might have a little piece in there ;)

Andrea Scher and I had a juicy conversation about the intersection of creativity and sexuality, and how sexual exploration is another lens through which to view your life. It's a place we are both discovering a lot of ourselves lately. So if you're signed up for Superhero School, you will get to listen in!

* Building a bit more on my Inner Alchemy work, I am teaching an art journaling class for Connie Solera's 21 Secrets, all about making yummy Paint Elixirs and creating magical art spreads for intuitive divination. Class just opened today!

THANK YOU so much for supporting me and loving on me and my work the way you have! I am so grateful to all of you who are on this crazy journey with me. I seriously appreciate all of your wild open heartedness <3

Mar 21, 2015

march crush list

As it happens, today is Global Sisterhood Day in addition to the first full day of Spring, and although I am fighting a nasty flu-ish cold type thing, I am decidedly focused on the happy forward momentum into this brand new season! So as snow continues to fall, I'm blogging from bed with a stack of books and magazines beside me, and tea and toast with orange marmalade... even that word marmalade makes everything seem sweeter and more fun, doesn't it?

Here's my March list of inspired things:

----> I came across these gorgeous winged wraps in my Insta feed, and nearly gasped. I'm sure you'll agree that this would be the perfect thing for warding off a spring chill. This is the one I'm coveting!

----> Who doesn't need a bit of sweet smelling moisturizer as well as some good karma? Their natural Karma hand lotion will do the trick.

----> Just my kind of juicy reading adventure, this book, a passionate sort of memoir is on my list. 

----> I found these on clearance in a little boutique near me, and was able to get them at a steal. How could I resist? They are super soft and really sturdy and comfy, and just plain fun to wear. 

----> Drink your flowers! My two favorite kombucha flavors happen to be of floral essence. Try the Lavender and the Hibiscus for a bit of delicious Spring in your tummy.

----> Yay for visionary friends who create awesome opportunities for sexy learning via inspiring leaders in the community, including this guy (click warning, NSFW)! It's a sold out event with over 400 people attending, but I did get my ticket in time. See you in class!

----> If you know me well, you know I have a hard time spending a lot of money on clothes. My closet is a very modest collection of nice things I wear often, and my shopping is mostly done at sales or in consignment shops. But every once an a while I will splurge on something I really want, a versatile piece that feels insanely yummy to wear. In this case, a gorgeous bag. The piece de resistance... my spring splurge, which I found pre-loved and at a lot lower than retail. I also watched a lot of video reviews before purchasing, that had my family looking at me like I had ten heads. Who knew purse porn was a thing?

----> This newish blog speaks perfectly to an urban boho vibe and esthetic that I love, and I found it via googling the item above. So glad I did! A little hippie, a little artsy, and a little edgy take on fashion. Loving their vibrant Look Books and their fun Manifesto.

----> Spreading LOVE is sort of my thing, so when I came upon the world's biggest collection of love letters in the making, I was immediately intrigued. What a gorgeous way to create connection and more moments of love.

----> And speaking of spreading LOVE, I am over the moon excited to be contributing to this heart centered project in April! It's going to be so so good.


Mar 13, 2015

transformation requires better underwear

I took my son to the butterfly museum last weekend, and was captivated by the magic that was happening in the hatchery... all those amazing creatures working their way out of the cocoon and spreading their wings for the first time. Transformation, in every sense of the word. It made me wonder if their caterpillar spirit knew all along what was coming, that they would one day wake up and be able to fly. Such incredible spirit teachers.

I'm feeling this too, though in a more subtle sense, a shedding of my old self. It sort of happened on its own without any real warning. I definitely did not know I would wake up one day and need to fly off in a new direction. But that's kind of what happened.

If you follow me on social media, you'l know that it's been a wild and tragic month of technical failings. First, my site went down, and at this point is irretrievable. More than half a decade of creating and connecting and building my wings is gone, just like that. Then, a couple weeks ago my computer completely crashed. What I have backed up are bits and pieces, but nowhere near the full spectrum of work and photos that I've amassed over the last few years on that hard drive. Really, all inklings of what once was is completely gone. And it's not even Mercury Retrograde.

The strangest thing is that I feel unnervingly calm about it all... not one freak out or panic attack. Like it's just the universes way of kicking me in the butt and saying, "You're done with all that, girl... let it go. It served you well, but it's time for you to truly fly on your own. Don't look back. Keep going forward." While I do have a bit of heartache and nostalgia for what was lost and all that I journeyed through in my previous work, it does indeed feel quite complete. Maybe that's why I don't feel all that upset about losing it all. It's more about an organic, living process than it is about old dusty archives. 

And there is so much more to come, and I know I must keep shedding to get there.

What's to come, I know, is lighter, sexier and even more filled with alignment and love. 

And this includes really good underwear. 

Life is too short to wear frumpy, unflattering things that come in a three pack. I know this only because amidst all my technical turmoil I also recently discovered these pretty things. As a purveyor of sexy living, I can say that these are the most comfortable pair of non-granny panties EVER. Well designed, great one-size fit (truly!), modest coverage with just the right amount of cheek.

Shed the old, channel in the new. 

It's all about energy, inviting in your own version of fire and sass. It's not really about cotton vs. lace. 

If you are inclined to girly things, trust me on this one. Transformative magic ;)

Mar 10, 2015

Inner Alchemy Circle: Water Coven

We are in the thaw and readying for more flow... April is our time to honor WATER!

Spring is time for new energy. 
Everything is ripening and new growth is upon us.

Here in our circle, on the Full Pink Moon, we will embrace the tides of flowing emotions.

We will let feelings be our lessons and guide. 

Another wild way into your own Inner Alchemy.

Our online gathering will be centered around making your own one-of-a-kind Water Alchemy Deck. You'll be guided with stirring prompts and easy how-to's to create and infuse each of your cards with insight and deep personal meaning.  

You will also learn unique ways to use these cards as a powerful tool in your creative life and work. Best of all, you will be able to call upon this deck over and over again to conjure inspired clarity and sparks of inspiration whenever you need it most.

These cards are magic... part works of art and part sacred love story. 

To see a glimpse of gorgeous Alchemy Cards created in previous circles, look here, or find them on Instagram under the hashtag #alchemycards.

As always, our circle will be guided by fierce magic-makers!

* Jennifer Belthoff * Kelly Clark * Tracey Clark * Susannah ConwayWendy Cook * Corinne Cunningham  * Jen Lemen * Christina Rosalie * Connie Solera  * Deb Taylor  Mindy Tsonas Donna Wynn *
and special guest and word artist, Ruth Clark!

12 wild-hearted Water Coven Guides will be offering up their own unique Water Alchemy card and prompt for you to create and muse upon. Each sharing their own unique brand of alchemical badassery!

AND a special treat for you this round, word artist Ruth Clark will be working her magic to create our card lexicon in her beautiful flowing hand, for you to keep and use on your cards! 

Inner Alchemy Circle :: Water Coven
April 4 - April 17, 2015 
an online gathering
{$59} limited space, this class will likely sell out!

Our circle is for YOU if you're longing for new wild ways... 

>---> Into getting messy in creative inspiration and opening up to emerging intuitive energies of AIR in your creative work and life.

>---> In developing a simple yet powerful creative practice that is rooted in playful possibility and wild and messy exploration. Glitter is option but highly encouraged!

>---> Of being fiercely guided and supported in wise conversations with your own wild truth, and dig deeper into the magic you already posses.

>---> Toward connecting with kindred community in an encouraging and sacred circle, discover shared insight and ignite the power of collective magic-making.

These tools will be our way into our wild Inner Alchemy:

* Creating your own Water Alchemy Deck (28 cards) with guided daily prompts and easy how-to's. Fun and simple to make, yet adding a rich dose of core creativity to each day.

* 11 unique Water Coven Card Prompts created especially for YOU by our gorgeous guest guides, each sharing a wild emotion or feeling type card, filled with personal insight and wild creative wisdom. 

* A gorgeous custom font for our deck, downloadable and yours to use.

* New spreads and fun ways to utilize your cards and integrate them into your creative work and life.

* Water Alchemy Kits exclusively available for workshop participants only, for an added infusion of flowing wild water energy. For sale in my Etsy shop soon.

* Private site and Facebook page for gathering and group discussion, where you can safely dive into meaningful work, make new connections, share the cards you make, and receive all the beautiful energy of our Water Coven circle.  You can work at your own pace.

Explore your Inner Alchemy!

* All registrations are handled manually, so I can personally welcome you to our circle. Please allow 24 hours for all registrations to be processed.