Jun 21, 2016

rebel warrior love

Because I needed a place to pour my own heart.

Because I wanted to know that this love and support exists in my little community.

Because we need more visibility for our LGBTQ friends and allies.

Because wishes hold power.

Because we can all be Rebel Love Warriors.

Because together, we are a force to be reckoned with.

Because your words matter.

Because this is the kind of world I want to live in.

Because making rainbows and making a statement is how we can move through the hard stuff.

Because more LOVE!

Because LOVE and WISHES win.

The Rainbow Wishing Tree will be moving to Salem, MA for North Shore Pride!

Come make your wish and celebrate!

Stay tuned here for location and updates <3


Jun 14, 2016

the lovers, the dreamers, and me

{photo by Alex}

Oh, the difference a year can make. This time last June was our family's first adventure into Boson for Pride. We were ready to show up and include the kids. What felt tender and a little scary even, was a huge step forward for all of us. Are we doing the right thing? - the eternal question on a parent's mind. There were a lot of new conversations, questions, curiosities, and probably even uncertainties. Even Alex was stepping out in bigger and braver ways to be the kind of man and father he believes in. It meant so much to stand beside him. To see him and love him in all the ways. It still does.

Though time shifts all things, and this year's parade was different for all of us. Still celebratory. Still questions. But the conversations expand and feel more rooted as we all integrate information with experience. 

At 6, he has not yet asked about how babies are made, but love, he understands. He is learning to question the confines of gender and cultural expectations. He wants to wear nail polish and likes the color pink, and knows how hard even that can be for a boy. Seeing a world, if even for just one day, where barriers don't exist is incredibly important at this time. To see his wonder and joy amidst it all is a gift, and not something I could ever explain or teach. It's something that simply seeps in.

At 12, there is now a righteousness born out of greater wisdom. Seeing marriage equality come to pass and knowing there is still resistance and small-mindedness bears out more complex questions, abut sexuality, about life choices, about our places of belonging in our communities. His values are solidifying. He is more at ease. He's beginning to understand the wider landscape with fresh maturity and open-minded curiosity. This day means something to him, even bigger than just his family. Inside every truth, there is LOVE - the most important belief of all.

Alex, in this last year has naturally risen within the community as the leader he is. Using his superpowers as a space holder, connector, and trailblazer, he is heading up a local community group for bisexual men, a nearly invisible demographic on the spectrum. The BRC and Fenway Health have his back, which feels profoundly meaningful and ripe. Expansion is happening for him in ways I am truly in awe of, but not at all surprised. To be walking in the parade this time was both an honor and a new way to celebrate his own coming out as the complex and powerful inch by inch process that it continues to be.  

For me, this year was a realty check in the most humbling of ways. There was a moment on the train ride in to Boston, when were packed together like a rainbow colored clown car hurdling off to the happiest place on earth, where I felt terrified. The fear and hate seeped in, and I caught myself looking around at all the faces, all the backpacks, all the eyes I could not see into, wondering if this was somehow a terrible idea, putting our family in the line of potential fire. The thought wasn't fleeting. There were police and swat teams looking under cars, bomb dogs weaving through the crowd, and I thought about what it means to live in this world, what it really takes to stand in solidarity, in truth and love. When I read about Orlando the next day, I can't even begin to parse how broken and afraid it makes me feel. As a mother it feels almost unspeakable. But then so does hiding under the covers and allowing hate to win. 

This year's celebration was a solemn reminder. I know I must somehow continue to be a light-bearer even at times when it feels impossibly hard. Especially in those times. 

To be a Love Warrior, and never forget the sacrifice.

To choose love, again and again.

To live in love, and believe in love. 

There is no other way. There is work to be done.

Because love is love is love is love.

And that is the world I want us to live in.

Jun 8, 2016

lake effect

In the days following Squam, I always clear my calendar. There is work to be done in the re-entry. Aside from the piles of laundry and loads of unpacking, there is a sweet, slow integration and sinking in that begs for solitude, spaciousness and epic napping. Mining the gems takes time. The resonance of what was shared and what I experienced echoes in the days after, and I am listening deeply - so much to reflect upon and so many joy-filled moments to sift through. I always find new pieces of my heart when I am by the lake.

The deepest stories are in the connections.

Whatever I carry with me into the woods, is what I will find. The relationships somehow become perfectly distilled reflections of the hopes, the fear, the uncertainty, the vulnerability, the love. Truth, manifested. This time in particular, I feel as though I was seen and loved on like crazy. Not only just in simple passing kindness and gratitude, but in solid waves of beautiful full-on LOVE. Maybe I was more open. Maybe I am getting better at letting others in.

Squam, most of all, is always a huge lesson in receiving and allowing. It's learning to rise up to meet the brightest light within and then passing it on, one fiery spark to the next.

May 26, 2016

the language of mothers

Today, my mom turns 70.

It's really just in these latter years that I am finally able to see and feel the grand fabric of our stories that have been woven together, like a single tapestry that holds all the threads of our relationship as mother and daughter; as two moms with very different birth stories, as daughters with our own mother wounds, as separate yet deeply connected women, as soul mates who somehow found one another other across oceans of hope and loss and love, one needing a home and the other needing a child.

All of it is stitched together. The tiny miracles, the heartbroken and wonder-filled, messy and imperfect.

Every year I think I see her more clearly. Time reveals, perspective broadens and evolves, and more stories rise to the surface.

She has always been a warrior woman, middle child, rebel soul, Gemini spirit, but I can now feel how tender her heart truly is in a way I never could as a young girl. I see beneath her fierce exterior, the soft and fleshy parts of her sentimentality and love.

I know what a devoted partner she is to my father, through all the years of triumphant celebrations and especially the ones spent fighting for life.

Every moment deserves a party, she taught me. Live now. All the joy.

I see the fierce love she has for my boys as their "candy" Nana. I know how they see her, because I saw my Nana the same exact way. Part Fairy Godmother, part superhero, and all heart and the softest place to land. It was one gift I had wished for my kids long before ever becoming a mother, to be awash in the kind of love only a grandmother can sprinkle on. It's why I never moved too far away.

Hold your family close. Life is so much sweeter together. We need one another.

I know what a fun and loyal friend she has always been, over hours of coffee and Virginia Slims, inside circles of show tune sing-a-longs and backyard barbecues, and in adventuring together to far away places despite her fear of flying.

Never let your fear hold you back. Explore with abandon. An experience is always far more valuable than something you can hold in your hand.  

And as a mother, as her daughter, I profoundly understand that although our story is not born of flesh and blood, the language of mothers is still the same.... a deep and abiding, bone and marrow, unconditional ocean of love. She taught me that language.

My mom has shaped my world in countless, significant, and beautiful ways. Even in our struggles to fully know one another as individual human beings, she has been the greatest teacher in my life. Even now, I feel the safe womb of her warrior heart every single day.

Happy Birthday, Mom.

For every wish that has come true, and for all the wishes yet to come!

I see you. I love you. I honor you. Most of all, I am so grateful and so proud to be your daughter.

May 21, 2016

wanton spiritual desire

As I wind deeper into the mystical landscape of my creativity and sacred sexuality, the more connection points I keep uncovering between these similar feral places.

It's not at all surprising, but always inspiring and in so many ways also deeply confirming. The fiery, sweet spot of sacral generative mojo that lies within all of my work and wanderings has a soul-centered pull that I keep inadvertently and deliciously get drawn into, again and again and again. It is clear I am on a very certain trajectory. Even though I can't always see too far ahead, the path still finds me with meaning and velocity, especially since having made the connection that my creative work has always been its own kind of wanton spiritual adventure.

Always more desire to chase.

The sexuality workshop I attended Wednesday night had me driving up the coast to a small town in Maine, following the waning light and wayward thoughts of my own wanting. We sat in a close circle reflecting on similarities between spiritual journeywork and sacred sex - how in our coupling we are able to mindfully design expansive and incendiary experiences with power, specificity, and sublime pleasure and intent.

Yes. This is language of my heart. Ritual, breath, rhythm, simplify, embodiment, transformation. This path of creating from profound love and desire, is my lush adventure of this lifetime.

Lighting candles and illuminating connection.

Breathing out, as he breathes in.

Allowing for the expanse of every pleasure and story.

Feeling the aliveness of my heart through making with hands.

Distilling my purest truth.

Inviting in all the lessons.

And I will always hunger for more.

May 11, 2016

spirit lines

In Navaho weavings you will often find a small horizontal line stitched into one corner of a rug or tapestry. This weaver's pathway, or spirit line, is believed to create an exit that allows the energy and spirit of the maker to escape the detailed narrative she delves into with all her heart and power, so she does not get stuck in one place or story when she is finally finished with the piece. As every stitch holds meaning and momentum, it is meant to ensure that she is able to leave one creative journey and move on to the next. Some might see this as an imperfection, but really it is a beautiful part of the work.

I feel like much of my life and makings have this built-in exit strategy, a similar kind of spirit line woven into everything I do. All of it is a living, breathing, organic process that I'm inspired to share, and the energy around what manifests in my world shifts from day to day. Words that feel powerful one morning can feel uncertain, another. An idea that comes in with much sparkle and boom, can turn out to be not quite fully formed or ready for the world, but the only way for me to know is to move through it, give myself over and commit to it completely, and then always know that there is a pathway for undoing. It is possible to give something your whole heart, and then gracefully, without shame, let it go. I have done this countless times and I have learned that nothing is ever immovable of final. I need the answers these pathways provide.

The undoing is actually part of the soul work too.

This process is inherently messy. The only way I know if something will root is to plant it deeply and give it all my care. Sometimes things don't ever flower and I must choose not see this as failure, just information for the next journey as well as fuel and inspiration for what beautiful things do come to wild fruition. It's tender work, but I feel like all I desire, all I wish for, all that tugs my heart is worthy of a chance. To not scatter the seeds would be perilous in its own way.

I have to remember there is always a way out, and always another creative adventure to be had. My soul is never contained or defined by one creative act or another. It is all a part of the bigger, grander vision.


May 5, 2016

Full Moon Solstice Celebration


to be awash in Fire & Light

{arrive} Anointment and Full Moon Fire Alter intentions

{open} Welcome Circle and Blessing

 {receive} SoulFire Gemstone Elixir Art and Henna Adornment

{release} Sunset Beach Walk and Seaside Closing Circle

This circle is a safe landing, a call home, a wild centering and sacral shimmy into the Fire of your creative spirit. I have been visioning this for a long time. Join me for a celebratory evening of messy and magical heart-centered making as we release into embodied togetherness and full-on joy! 

We will be deep in the love of making, creating collage and mixed media SoulFire pieces using custom gemstone elixirs and paint to infuse our work with both color meaning and personal magic! Wishes and desire are all that is required. I will be your alchemist and guide on this juicy art adventure.

A nourishment bar, for yummy drinks and snacks, will be set up to stoke your inner flame.

And of course no gathering is complete without a little take-away treat, so Solstice Alchemy Kits for all.

We will complete our evening with a short walk to the beach (if weather permits), to close our circle under the full moon and light our way into this next season of abundance and illumination! I can't wait to share this time with you.

May 1, 2016

all is ripening

{the peonies in DC were sublime!}

I am deep in the ripening. There are so many things going on behind the scenes, that I thought I'd share with you snippets of what's burning my midnight oil. This always seems to be the wild way of spring, the last push before summer's sweet repose. Here we go!

My Wish Alchemy enews is shifting to a new bimonthly New Moon//Full Moon format. In case you think I've forgotten you, today on the 1st.... look for the next newsletter on the May New Moon.

Juicy Shop update. I am always collecting beautiful things in my travels and wanderings. It's time to share them with you! New goodies will be in my Etsy shop this week... gemstones from the mineral and gem show, natural treasures from local alchemy shops, and one-of-a-kind vintage curiosities I've found and embellished, and new Alchemy Art created with gem-infused paint elixirs! Good things are coming.

Get ready for a May New Moon Brunch. As it turns out, my next Brunch also falls on the New Moon, so happy togetherness in the energy of ripening and new beginnings next Friday! Hope to see you then.

Wishcraft pre-registration is open! There is so much excitement around this new card making class, and I am thrilled to offer my community first dibs on this next adventure. Gratitude pricing is available through May for all alumni and subscribers.

The Inner Alchemy Cards: Elements guidebook has begun to take shape. It looks to be a gorgeous collaborative project due out this summer - over 40 wildly inspiring women will contribute their work! It is 4 seasons and 4 elements of card making mojo with prompts, pictures and magic galore. I hope to have this in your hands for summer beachside reading!

Full Moon Solstice Circle on Plum Island! I will be hosting a celebratory workshop to raise energy, connect, and set intentions for this season of heat and light. There will be henna, and making, and loads wildgirl togetherness. Details on Friday!

My next online class, this July, is going to be a deep dive into #exploringyoursexy. Truth & Dare will be juicy mixed media workshop during the season of fire, and in the wilds of your hot, sacral mojo. A little sexy revolution coming your way inside a sacred safe space. Ready to ripen? (Oh, yes.)

And then it's a free fall into some serious summering and rest! I hope we will connect in one of these beautiful ways!

Apr 26, 2016

the next step

compersion: (noun) a feeling of joy when a loved one invests in and takes pleasure from another (romantic or sexual) relationship.

As you can imagine, this is a high ideal.

In the beginning, opening up our marriage was terrifying yet also utterly exhilarating. With any new freedom comes a new level of understanding and responsibility. You have to be willing to plunge into the murky depths of uncertainty and remain grounded in your own sense of, why. You are in devotion to the conversation, and taking on the hard stuff will bring up this question over and over.... why are we doing this?... what are we allowing, inviting, challenging with such discomfort? It is the very same question that comes up in my creative work every single day.

And the answer is always, liberation. 

When you actualize desires and realize you can do hard things, you grow as a human being. When you grow into more truth, more spaciousness, more freedom, your life beings to feel beautifully unfettered and aligned.

With almost 6 years of openness under our belt, exploring and trusting all the ways, a shift of context and subtext in our peripheral relationships has occurred. Now, it feels like they all exist on the same wide continuum of intimacy. There is less differentiation and less need for labels as to who and what. It all becomes about the individual connection with a specific human being. It allows us to be all-in, in our friendships and otherwise, and to follow the energy to where it is most meaningful and good. This is where I can begin to understand the concept of compersion - how it's a shift in perspective more than some crazy from of alternative enlightenment. With our partners, we don't tend to judge or fear the relative closeness of friendships until there might be sexual chemistry involved. A very mono way of thinking, as sexual chemistry is only threatening if you believe that sex=love and love is a finite concept. Emotional intimacy can tip the equasion as well. It's taking so much longer than expected to unravel all these normative myths.

As it turns out, I don't believe either of these. What I've experienced is that sex can be so many different things, defined in innumerable ways, and love is incalculable.

What I also know now, is that the overlap of emotional intimacy and physical intimacy is wildly complex, unpredictable, non-linear and never clearly defined. It is not about what you do with others, rather, it's all about how someone makes you feel that defines the level intimacy. Do they open you up? Do they see you? Do they make you laugh? Do they support and comfort you? Do they making you stronger in who you are?

Physical intimacy is just one expression of connection to another human being. The ways of reaching out is infinite, so it seems. Art, stories, shared experiences - all ways of intimacy.

So this will be the year that Alex and I will finally cross further into the realm of physical intimacy with others. It's taken us this long to figure out if we wanted to go there, if we could go there, and what that means to our marriage and our relationship. It puts us squarely back into our, why, and confinement is what feels most scary of all. This feels like the next organic step, the one to follow all the millions of strides and missteps that are already behind us. And because it's clear that physical and emotional intimacy can't really be compared, measured, or quantified against one another. I'm sure it will be messy and tricky to navigate, but we know what's in it for us, on just the other side. More love. More freedom. More understanding.

Yes, to more. Always.

Compersion is all about being in the joy, and forgetting fear, jealousy, and ego. I'm not sure if it will ever feel that simple, but I understand the gift of that notion and can almost sense the edges of it inside my own life. The freedom is becoming a fundamental part of who I am.