Apr 9, 2015

in the why of my desire



Desire is a powerful thing. It is raw, gritty and feral. The kind of energy that draws wild things to us. Understanding and inhabiting our desire is an adventure, a thought/feeling experiment, the golden ticket if only we can shed the ego enough to step up to claim the real prize.

Desire is a gateway to truth.

Really, anything can be a representation of truth and desire. The food on our plate, the money in our bank account, the lover in our bed, the books on our bedside table. A wise teacher once told me that everything inside of you, is right there in front of you - you live in the physical manifestation of your inner world. Trippy, I know, but I think it's absolutely true. What we want and surround ourselves with, speaks volumes.

I am always questioning my desire - not judging it and assigning it good or bad - that is not really helpful or how desire works. A lot of the time desires don't show up as practical or even rational. Desire simply wants what it wants and leaves you to the task of deciding whether or not to feed it. So, I try to stay open to what the tug of desire wants to teach me and be as honest as I can about the why

Everything is a lesson if you are open to receiving it.

And desire and I have been tumbling and talking into the wee hours of the night a lot, lately.



Apr 3, 2015

reunited and it feels so good









The kiss of sweet ocean air. The lull of waves and happy gulls. 
The chatter of children hunting for treasure, and my toes in the sand for the first time this season. 
Oh, what a romance it is.





Apr 1, 2015

now that i'm sort of all the way out

For spring Inner Alchemists... only a few of these Water Alchemy Kits left!


Every time I cross another threshold of openness, it sort of takes me by surprise. I've said many times that my life feels like a journey of inches, little earthquakes, and it's always humbling to witness my own narrative move forward in this way.

I have been doing a lot of writing about sex and kink, lately. And the best thing about this is being asked to write about sex and kink in a world where, unless you are billed as a "sex educator" and that is your schtick, we don't often talk about such things.

But I work hard to not corner myself onto one sort of thing or another such as a mommy blogger, creative blogger, sex blogger, etc. because I feel it is so important to be seen as a complete human being. It is how I live my life. I don't know how to be just one thing. I'm more than two boys' mom, or a wife, or an artist, or an advocate for sexy truths. I am all those things and more.

To have the opportunity to share my work on such a broad spectrum, is a gift. To have people wanting to hear what I have to say and accepting me for who I am, whole and complete, is a blessing. So, here are a few cool places where you can catch up with me this month. A little something for everyone I think.


* First and foremost, Inner Alchemy Circle Water Coven is sold out, and begins on Saturday! So thrilled to get to make magic and cards again with another gorgeous group of creative and juicy souls.

* For Susannah Conway's April Love, I will be sharing a bit about sex as an act of self care, and be helping you to dig into your sexual truth and discover more about your own values and desires. Yum.

* It's getting really real. My Life, Unabashed stories have been evolving and growing and I feel less and less afraid in sharing the nitty gritty. It's a good time to jump in, and you can also read the archives.

* Keep an eye out for the spring issue of Bohemian Collective Magazine! It should be out any day, and if it's as gorgeous as the first (which I am sure it will be), you will be in for real a treat. I might have a little piece in there ;)

Andrea Scher and I had a juicy conversation about the intersection of creativity and sexuality, and how sexual exploration is another lens through which to view your life. It's a place we are both discovering a lot of ourselves lately. So if you're signed up for Superhero School, you will get to listen in!

* Building a bit more on my Inner Alchemy work, I am teaching an art journaling class for Connie Solera's 21 Secrets, all about making yummy Paint Elixirs and creating magical art spreads for intuitive divination. Class just opened today!


THANK YOU so much for supporting me and loving on me and my work the way you have! I am so grateful to all of you who are on this crazy journey with me. I seriously appreciate all of your wild open heartedness <3



Mar 21, 2015

march crush list



As it happens, today is Global Sisterhood Day in addition to the first full day of Spring, and although I am fighting a nasty flu-ish cold type thing, I am decidedly focused on the happy forward momentum into this brand new season! So as snow continues to fall, I'm blogging from bed with a stack of books and magazines beside me, and tea and toast with orange marmalade... even that word marmalade makes everything seem sweeter and more fun, doesn't it?

Here's my March list of inspired things:

----> I came across these gorgeous winged wraps in my Insta feed, and nearly gasped. I'm sure you'll agree that this would be the perfect thing for warding off a spring chill. This is the one I'm coveting!

----> Who doesn't need a bit of sweet smelling moisturizer as well as some good karma? Their natural Karma hand lotion will do the trick.

----> Just my kind of juicy reading adventure, this book, a passionate sort of memoir is on my list. 

----> I found these on clearance in a little boutique near me, and was able to get them at a steal. How could I resist? They are super soft and really sturdy and comfy, and just plain fun to wear. 

----> Drink your flowers! My two favorite kombucha flavors happen to be of floral essence. Try the Lavender and the Hibiscus for a bit of delicious Spring in your tummy.

----> Yay for visionary friends who create awesome opportunities for sexy learning via inspiring leaders in the community, including this guy (click warning, NSFW)! It's a sold out event with over 400 people attending, but I did get my ticket in time. See you in class!

----> If you know me well, you know I have a hard time spending a lot of money on clothes. My closet is a very modest collection of nice things I wear often, and my shopping is mostly done at sales or in consignment shops. But every once an a while I will splurge on something I really want, a versatile piece that feels insanely yummy to wear. In this case, a gorgeous bag. The piece de resistance... my spring splurge, which I found pre-loved and at a lot lower than retail. I also watched a lot of video reviews before purchasing, that had my family looking at me like I had ten heads. Who knew purse porn was a thing?

----> This newish blog speaks perfectly to an urban boho vibe and esthetic that I love, and I found it via googling the item above. So glad I did! A little hippie, a little artsy, and a little edgy take on fashion. Loving their vibrant Look Books and their fun Manifesto.

----> Spreading LOVE is sort of my thing, so when I came upon the world's biggest collection of love letters in the making, I was immediately intrigued. What a gorgeous way to create connection and more moments of love.

----> And speaking of spreading LOVE, I am over the moon excited to be contributing to this heart centered project in April! It's going to be so so good.


HAPPY SPRING EVERYONE!!!









Mar 13, 2015

transformation requires better underwear


I took my son to the butterfly museum last weekend, and was captivated by the magic that was happening in the hatchery... all those amazing creatures working their way out of the cocoon and spreading their wings for the first time. Transformation, in every sense of the word. It made me wonder if their caterpillar spirit knew all along what was coming, that they would one day wake up and be able to fly. Such incredible spirit teachers.

I'm feeling this too, though in a more subtle sense, a shedding of my old self. It sort of happened on its own without any real warning. I definitely did not know I would wake up one day and need to fly off in a new direction. But that's kind of what happened.

If you follow me on social media, you'l know that it's been a wild and tragic month of technical failings. First, my wishstudio.com site went down, and at this point is irretrievable. More than half a decade of creating and connecting and building my wings is gone, just like that. Then, a couple weeks ago my computer completely crashed. What I have backed up are bits and pieces, but nowhere near the full spectrum of work and photos that I've amassed over the last few years on that hard drive. Really, all inklings of what once was is completely gone. And it's not even Mercury Retrograde.

The strangest thing is that I feel unnervingly calm about it all... not one freak out or panic attack. Like it's just the universes way of kicking me in the butt and saying, "You're done with all that, girl... let it go. It served you well, but it's time for you to truly fly on your own. Don't look back. Keep going forward." While I do have a bit of heartache and nostalgia for what was lost and all that I journeyed through in my previous work, it does indeed feel quite complete. Maybe that's why I don't feel all that upset about losing it all. It's more about an organic, living process than it is about old dusty archives. 

And there is so much more to come, and I know I must keep shedding to get there.


What's to come, I know, is lighter, sexier and even more filled with alignment and love. 

And this includes really good underwear. 

Life is too short to wear frumpy, unflattering things that come in a three pack. I know this only because amidst all my technical turmoil I also recently discovered these pretty things. As a purveyor of sexy living, I can say that these are the most comfortable pair of non-granny panties EVER. Well designed, great one-size fit (truly!), modest coverage with just the right amount of cheek.

Shed the old, channel in the new. 

It's all about energy, inviting in your own version of fire and sass. It's not really about cotton vs. lace. 

If you are inclined to girly things, trust me on this one. Transformative magic ;)





Mar 10, 2015

Inner Alchemy Circle: Water Coven


We are in the thaw and readying for more flow... April is our time to honor WATER!

Spring is time for new energy. 
Everything is ripening and new growth is upon us.

Here in our circle, on the Full Pink Moon, we will embrace the tides of flowing emotions.

We will let feelings be our lessons and guide. 

Another wild way into your own Inner Alchemy.


Our online gathering will be centered around making your own one-of-a-kind Water Alchemy Deck. You'll be guided with stirring prompts and easy how-to's to create and infuse each of your cards with insight and deep personal meaning.  

You will also learn unique ways to use these cards as a powerful tool in your creative life and work. Best of all, you will be able to call upon this deck over and over again to conjure inspired clarity and sparks of inspiration whenever you need it most.

These cards are magic... part works of art and part sacred love story. 

To see a glimpse of gorgeous Alchemy Cards created in previous circles, look here, or find them on Instagram under the hashtag #alchemycards.


As always, our circle will be guided by fierce magic-makers!


* Jennifer Belthoff * Kelly Clark * Tracey Clark * Susannah ConwayWendy Cook * Corinne Cunningham  * Jen Lemen * Christina Rosalie * Connie Solera  * Deb Taylor  Mindy Tsonas Donna Wynn *
and special guest and word artist, Ruth Clark!



12 wild-hearted Water Coven Guides will be offering up their own unique Water Alchemy card and prompt for you to create and muse upon. Each sharing their own unique brand of alchemical badassery!

AND a special treat for you this round, word artist Ruth Clark will be working her magic to create our card lexicon in her beautiful flowing hand, for you to keep and use on your cards! 


Inner Alchemy Circle :: Water Coven
April 4 - April 17, 2015 
an online gathering
{$59} limited space, this class will likely sell out!


Our circle is for YOU if you're longing for new wild ways... 

>---> Into getting messy in creative inspiration and opening up to emerging intuitive energies of AIR in your creative work and life.

>---> In developing a simple yet powerful creative practice that is rooted in playful possibility and wild and messy exploration. Glitter is option but highly encouraged!

>---> Of being fiercely guided and supported in wise conversations with your own wild truth, and dig deeper into the magic you already posses.

>---> Toward connecting with kindred community in an encouraging and sacred circle, discover shared insight and ignite the power of collective magic-making.



These tools will be our way into our wild Inner Alchemy:

* Creating your own Water Alchemy Deck (28 cards) with guided daily prompts and easy how-to's. Fun and simple to make, yet adding a rich dose of core creativity to each day.

* 11 unique Water Coven Card Prompts created especially for YOU by our gorgeous guest guides, each sharing a wild emotion or feeling type card, filled with personal insight and wild creative wisdom. 

* A gorgeous custom font for our deck, downloadable and yours to use.

* New spreads and fun ways to utilize your cards and integrate them into your creative work and life.

* Water Alchemy Kits exclusively available for workshop participants only, for an added infusion of flowing wild water energy. For sale in my Etsy shop soon.

* Private site and Facebook page for gathering and group discussion, where you can safely dive into meaningful work, make new connections, share the cards you make, and receive all the beautiful energy of our Water Coven circle.  You can work at your own pace.


Explore your Inner Alchemy!




* All registrations are handled manually, so I can personally welcome you to our circle. Please allow 24 hours for all registrations to be processed.






Mar 6, 2015

dating life and other stories



One thing I don't talk about often here, is my dating life. Mostly because it's a fairly insignificant part of my life balance pie and also because there are about 347 other things in the mix, many of them more prominent in my everyday.

My open marriage tends to be more about nuance and not about quantity or even banking actual experiences. It happens mostly in the freedom and in the conversations Alex and I have, a lot of which is deeply inward yet outwardly expansive. It's permission, alive and organic in the way we relate to others in the world. Our openness is a way of being, an undercurrent, more than it is a means to any specific end.

That said, it does happen on rare occasion that one of us will have a date. An actual, get dressed up, meet someone for coffee or a drink, jittery excitement sort of thing, and it just so happens that we both had dates this past week. Nice ones. There must have been something in the air.

It's always interesting to kiss your partner goodbye and send them off into the sphere of another with unconditional kindness, trust and love. It's always challenging, but then also it is always rewarding. We learn through each new experience about ourselves and about our relationship together. There are always new conversations to explore, which is truly the marrow of our connectedness - always speaking our truth out loud to one another. 

Having been open for about 5 years now, things are shifting again. There is a deepening and ripening happening for us, a sort of wisdom and stability that has taken the place of newness and uncertainty. It is fertile ground for much more discovery and pleasure, and maybe that's why things are taking off in new directions again and new doorways are unexpectedly being revealed.

One step leads us to the next. There is no other way to travel. And how blessed am I to have a sacred partner on this path.



Mar 1, 2015

the shadow side



Well, that was an unexpectedly treacherous month.

Even best laid plans can go awry, and February was one of those months that was a huge challenge in every way. Relationship hurdles, hard parenting situations, and an emotional and physical roller coaster that took me through two pregnancy tests and the dregs of my psyche. Pile twenty feet of snow on top of that, and you could say the gremlins had a free for all. It started off with loads of potential, wild love even, but as these times go control began to slip away. Maybe that's the crux of the problem. Trying to control things I ultimately could not, or at the very least, felt powerless against. Nothing saps my energy more. And so the shadow side has room to run rampant.

For me, the shadow side of true living is that in those vulnerable moments when I'm just not able to show up in the way I want to, the narrative can shift to tell me that my life is a fraud. That I can't really walk the walk. That I have no right to be spreading words of empowerment when I can't even manage what is going on under my own roof. I lose sight of the big picture and get stuck in the stuckness. Worse case scenario, when my vibration is low and my body is weak and my circumstances are monumentally challenging, I can end up on the couch self medicating with reruns of Cupcake Wars.

I feel broken.

I forget my power.

I can't hear my voice or feel my pulse.

In the past this would often be what a free fall into depression would look like, a downward spiral into letting the helplessness and negative emotions have their way with me. I'd go missing from my blog, shut down connection, and hide from the light. Sleep becomes a coping mechanism for me. Luckily though, I have more self-sustaining tools in my toolbox these days. Instead of weeks of coming apart at the seams, it's more like patches of intensely bad days.

So, this what February was like for me. A tangled string of really ugly days interlaced with some really beautiful ones that I've learned to let myself grasp onto.

I had to fight my way through, but I am finally emerging from the fallout and taking it one day, one wildish dream at a time and finding my way back to center. What's different about these hard times now, is that when I finally do come through, I know I will be okay - that my life and work and soul are all okay and I can forgive myself for simply being my own version of human.









Feb 17, 2015

generating heat


Somewhere between wild winter blizzards and a flurry of Valentines, I turned 43. It's February vacation and we are all home, somewhat snowed in, and I find my soul aching for more light. My head feels dreamy and untethered. There is lots to do, but the flow of inspiration seems to be frozen like all the giant icicles around here, suspended in the sunlight. Morning pages, a new practice I began this year, seem to be necessary sustenance for now and I am really enjoying having the time and space to simply write for myself. No audience. No editing. Just the raw. 

That is where I am.





My plate and life has been full of delicious things. Thoughtful birthday goodies, a trip to the FFF to take two really great classes on sexuality, one in the spiritual realm and the other on rad body love (so so good!), and lot's of fun dates with my husband and kids. I'm loving the 50 Shades soundtrack after braving the snow to see the premier with a friend - which ultimately I have really mixed feelings about, both good and bad, but I'm not going to add to the chatter here as it all seems to be out there.

There really is nothing lacking, only a sense of momentum maybe… to be on the other side of this snowy fallow season. It has been really beautiful though. Crazy, record-breaking amounts of snow. But I'm ready for springtime, both the actual and the more figurative. I am waiting for the thaw.





Things in general have been pretty juicy around here. On Valentine's Day, girl crush photog Susan Tuttle featured an interview with yours truly on her blog. It was fun to push the envelope a bit and share a sexy story. I love that she asked. I have magazine articles due and interviews to give and Alchemy Cards to make and a couple of family adventures still to enjoy before this week is over. 

I am a very lucky girl. Plenty of fuel to add to the fire.

So, I'll just keep trying to generate my own damn heat until spring is ready to arrive.   




Feb 9, 2015

a lifetime of coming out


The other day when I was talking to my mom on the phone she asked what I was doing over the weekend, and with a fleeting moment of hesitation I proceeded to tell her I was doing some volunteer work for a sex ed organization in Provy. And she was all like, "Awesome." You know, as if I was telling her I just got a new haircut or one of the kids got a pet chinchilla. Enthused. Supportive. Really cool about it. And while this might not seem like a big deal at all - it certainly wasn't as far as my mom was concerned, that's no surprise - but for me it was sort of epic. It was another small step for me to be out in my truth.  

The decision to work with the CSPH is an important one, a pivot point and way for me to continue integrating the things I truly value and have a vested interest in, out in the open, and in a context that feels both relevant and inspiring. I want to do more than talk about sex. I want to change people's perception about sex in a positive and fun way. It also nurtures my insatiable adventurer and learner. I always love a new challenge. 



For me, this is all about building bridges from what are mostly hidden conversations to shedding light and normalizing thoughts, curiosities and concerns about all things related to sexuality. I am working hard to dissolve the lines between what is typically seen as the Sex Positive community, those who work and teach and advocate in that realm, and the wider populous. That in-between place is where I have firmly planted myself, taking a stand not for one or the other, but living wildly in the AND. I can be an artist and a mother and a wife and a daughter and a provocateur for women's (and men's) sexual truths.

This is what I am ultimately passionate about… simply coming out and living one's whole TRUTH, and cheering on ALL of your hard conversations.

My work is my platform as well as the pathway that carves out meaningful direction and desire. I am grateful to have so much love and support around all that I do, from my husband and family and friends and creative community. I am truly blessed with a kind of devotion that allows me to Be more and do more, every single day. 

It's felt like a journey of inches, at times. One coming out after another.

But look at where I am. Had you asked me even a year ago if I would have been posting a picture of a giant vulva on my blog (a set piece from the Vagina Monologues at the CSPH, incidentally), I would have said, um NO.

Yet here I am. Living the life that is meant for me.

The inches add up. 

The more you say YES to all that's a part of your wild and messy life.

Even the sexy parts. 

Especially the sexy parts.