I have a three and a half hour layover in Atlanta, and I am processing so much of what this weekend was for me. I feel raw and broken open in that way that only circles of women can do. It wasn't just the soul painting, it was the wild validation that I found sitting squarely inside my own life and the messages that were dialed in crystal clear.
Truth be told, I almost didn't make it. I booked this class back in April, and as time approached I wasn't sure I could really pull it off - read: felt a little guilty, unsure, crunched for time, but I knew if I didn't go I'd probably regret it. So I gave myself permission.
What I know now is that in giving myself this time, I am on the other side of something really huge. It's barely perceptible. Its just happened here in this noisy airport coffee shop. If we saw each other I'd probably seem like the same old me, but internally I feel like I have finally reached the vista. I am exhausted and out of breath, but I can see all the beauty that is before me, behind me, and also the next peak ahead. For those who are Seekers you know these moments are fleeting and rare, but here I am unceremoniously with a decaf latte and a pile of tissues beside me, the girl in the corner typing away on her laptop and dabbing away tears.
This is the card I drew inside our circle -- Our Lady of Sacred Hearth:
never fear being lost or abandoned
you are alway home
you have belonged all this time
you have outgrown what has been and the manifestation of the new is only a matter of time
this greater sense of belonging to yourself is to help you fulfill your spiritual purpose
So Mary tells me. It's taken me 24 hours to really believe it.
And so it is.
Maybe it was the releasing of this full Hunters Moon. Maybe it was the girl I met going through her own adoption healing. Maybe it was the permission and alone time. Maybe it was reading Christine's book along the way or the email she just serendipitously sent me. Maybe it was the heart wings that found me in their Ruby Slipper sort of way. Maybe it was being in a different environment that felt like the softest place to land.
Whatever it was, this weekend is what finally unlocked this next chamber of my heart. Of course there is work to do here too, but for now I will sit and revel in this in-between place before starting off on the next journey, and listen in full gratitude to the steady rhythm of my Heart(h).
Home... home... home.